Hey folks!

Be sure to check out my list of Escape Artists’ websites where you will now find a link to the blog of an all-new Escape Artist, namely Donald Parker!  If you’re still trying to come up with a New Year’s resolution, I’d suggest making Donald Parker’s Punnery a routine stop during your web-surfing adventures throughout the coming year.

For just a small sample of the sort of whimsical wittiness you’ll find at The Punnery, take a listen to this song parody with lyrics written by Donald himself!

http://www.froggyprince.com/audio/mp3/Yesterday_Jeff_Gardner_A_Parody.mp3

So what are you waiting for???  Get thee to The Punnery!

Seasons Greetings, Folks!

Got another Escape Artist update for ya!

You may recall that I introduced Chris Cox to you in a previous blog post.   Well, in addition to continuing work on his current project Grits of the Gods, it may interest you to know that Elwood has just recently started up his very own blog site dedicated to providing you the public with insightful, penetrating, yet highly entertaining film reviews.  The blog has been up for a few months now, so Chris already has lots of great stuff posted.  Aspiring film connoisseur that I am, I myself am a big fan.  Check it out today!

http://1001afilmodyssey.blogspot.com

Also, I want to mention that Chris has recently completed a macabre Christmas-themed short story entitled “Death Takes A Holiday”.  You won’t be seeing the story anywhere this Christmas, but word about town is that publisher LL Dreamspell has picked up this story for inclusion in a future installment of its Dreamspell Nightmares series of anthologies!   I don’t yet have any particulars on release date and such, but as soon as they become available, you will be the first to know!

Hello again, folks!

Hope you’ve got some exciting plans for the upcoming Christmas holidays!  Hope you’re doing your best to avoid Santa’s naughty list!  And hopefully, Christmas shopping for those special ones in your life hasn’t stressed you to the point of pulling your hair out!

Hey!  Speaking of pulling your hair out….

Escape Artist Joyce Scarbrough has a new novel out entitled Symmetry!   Symmetry follows the story of Jessica Cassidy, a young woman who discovers that she may be suffering from a little known impulse control disorder known as trichotillomania, which can only be described as the repeated urge to pull out one’s own hair.  As distressing as this sounds, Joyce promises that hilarity ensues when Jessica stumbles across evidence that leads her to believe that her “beefcake” husband Lee has been less than faithful.  Lee tries to convince her that things are not what they seem, but she insists that Lee move out.  While Jessica is trying to decide whether or not to forgive him, things get worse (or maybe more hilarious?) when she bumps into Noah Hamilton, an old acquaintance with a charming sensitive side, the polar opposite of her husband Lee.  Sparks fly as the two men vie for Jessica’s affection, while Jessica is forced to deal with conflicting emotions…and a surprise visit from her mother…and trichotillomania!

You can order Symmetry on Amazon at:

http://www.amazon.com/Symmetry-Joyce-Sterling-Scarbrough/dp/1603181466/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260136410&sr=1-1

Check it out today!  While you’re there, you might want to pick up a copy of Christmas Is A Season 2009, a collection of short Christmas-themed stories which includes an entry by Joyce!

http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Season-Linda-Busby-Parker/dp/0982062915/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260139491&sr=1-1

And hey!  If you haven’t already, why not pick up a copy of Christmas Is A Season 2008 which also includes an entry by Joyce.   (Just because it’s last year’s model doesn’t mean it’s outlived its usefulness.  Good stories never go out of style!)

http://www.amazon.com/Christmas-Season-Linda-Busby-Parker/dp/0982062907/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1260139759&sr=1-1

Howdy folks!

Sorry for the long hiatus, but now I’m back!  And I’ve brought nothing less for you than an introduction to a brand new Escape Artist!

Meet Jennifer Hatcher!

Jennifer Hatcher is the author of an engrossing fantasy novel which she calls Legends.  A prelude to Jennifer’s upcoming Lorneia trilogy, Legends follows the story of a young elf named Tyrian Drayfield who is caught up in an epic adventure of self discovery in the midst of an arcane struggle between the creators of the mythical realm of Lorneia.  It’s a story of love, a quest for freedom, and word on the street is that it’s a real page turner!

Legends is available on Amazon at:

 http://www.amazon.com/Legends-J-Hatcher/dp/1420802240/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&s=books&qid=1259721613&sr=1-1. 

Check it out today!

Rumor has it that the next installment in Jennifer’s story revolves around a mother who becomes desperate to protect her two gifted sons when she discovers that sinister magical forces have aligned against them.  Unfortunately, I’m afraid Jennifer doesn’t yet have a website set up to keep us informed on the latest news about her upcoming Lorneia trilogy, but you can send her a message on Facebook to let her know that inquiring minds want to know more!

Stay tuned for more Escape Artist updates coming throughout the rest of the week!

NEW ESCAPE ARTIST MIKE REIMER!

Good day, folks!

Today, I’d like to introduce you to Escape Artist Mike Reimer!

Mike Reimer was the inspiration for the chain poem “Mike Rhymer, Private Eye” which I started on this blog a few months back.  However, Mike is not only the inspiration behind a really cool fictional character, he is also a bona fide writer himself.  No, he doesn’t write hard-boiled detective stories (at least, not at present); but he is, in fact, working on an exciting fantasy adventure that he calls “The Hell of Horazor”.  The story follows a young lady with mystical abilities who is forced to flee from her home to avoid capture by the minions of a ruthless wizard.

I’ve had the distinct privilege of previewing the first 100 or so pages of his latest draft, and I’m definitely hooked.  Unfortunately, Mike doesn’t yet have a website set up to keep us posted on his progress, but you can visit his Facebook page by clicking here.  Send him a message to let him know that inquiring minds want to know more!

UPDATE ON ESCAPE ARTIST CHRISTIAN MOTT!

As if the introduction of a new Escape Artist weren’t exciting enough, I also have some intriguing news about Escape Artist Christian Mott’s latest project, formerly entitled “Dark Side of the Moon”.   I got word just a couple days ago that there has been a title change.  “Dark Side of the Moon” is now known as… “Ambivalence”.   How cool is that?  At first, I couldn’t decide whether I loved or hated this new title, but I can safely say that I am now totally psyched and I can’t wait to find out what Christian has in store for us!

Of course, as always if you were part of Christian’s close circle of friends (i.e. those who joined his Facebook group page), then you would already be in the loop on this exciting news.  Why don’t you go join right now???

I know that all of you are waiting with bated breath for the next great post from The Bean Counter.  In the meantime, if you haven’t already, why not kill some precious time by exploring all the awesome submissions that have already been posted by The Bean Counter and other Escape Artists?  Of course, you can simply scroll down to see older posts, OR you can use the handy-dandy Categories links to the right to jump to previous posts that may interest you.   Even if you’ve been with me from the beginning and caught every post, you may want to re-visit some of your favorites, and the Categories links is an easy way to track it down.   You may even find one that you missed!

Also, don’t forget about the links to other Escape Artists’ websites and contact info,  if you want to know what’s currently happening in the life of your favorite Escape Artist (besides The Bean Counter, of course)!

Hi folks,

Long time, no see!  Where you been keeping yourselves?  Haven’t seen you around lately!  I… oh wait… um…

So I’ve got another chain story for you!  This is another one that was inspired by an idea from Escape Artist Christian Mott!  Please feel free to take the story in any direction you wish, but as usual, silliness and a PG rating are very much preferred.

I call this one….

FEAR ITSELF

You ever have one of those mornings where you wake up with a terrifying feeling that something horrible has happened?  Like maybe somebody has broken into your house and covered your entire floor with globs of peanut butter?  Or maybe you forgot to go to the store for milk, and the only thing you have left to pour over your Cheerios is your last can of Dr. Pepper?  Maybe the something horrible hasn’t happened yet, but it’s going to?  Maybe when you go to turn on the shower, you get sprayed with tomato juice instead of steaming hot water?  Maybe a herd of giant purple bunnies is waiting to attack you and chew your head off the minute you step outside? 

You ever have one of those mornings?  Yeah, I thought so.  Me too.  In fact, this was precisely one of those mornings.

Fortunately, there was no sticky peanut better impeding my path to the bathroom, and the shower dispensed clean and clear hot water as usual.  By the time I had sat down at the breakfast table with my Cheerios and milk, I was beginning to chastise myself for letting my imagination get the best of me.   But then I flipped on the TV to check out the morning news, and that’s when my earlier feelings of trepidation were validated….

So I pick up the ball and throw it to Naturally?

Good day Fellow Writers!

Got another chain story intro for you.  This one comes courtesy of an idea by Escape Artist Christian Mott!  Would love to know how you think this story is going to turn out!  As usual, feel free to take the story in any direction you like.  Just try to keep it silly and try to keep it PG!

I call this one….

What a Wanderful World!

There’s nothing better than being seventeen and cruising down a deserted stretch of road on a sunny Sunday afternoon—convertible top down, sunglasses on. It’s even better when your favorite song is playing on the radio because you can turn it up as loud as you like without bothering anybody. Ever since I obtained my driver’s license, I’ve always enjoyed getting out of the big city on the weekends and exploring all the back roads in the surrounding area. Yeah, some people say it’s dangerous to wander into unfamiliar places, but I’ve always been a glass-is-half-full kind of guy. Anyway, wasn’t there some poet who expounded on the glories of taking “the road less traveled”? Besides that, I’ve always had an uncanny knack of finding my way around unfamiliar territory, even without a map. So I’ve never been afraid to wander around aimlessly just for the fun of it.

On this particular Sunday afternoon, however, I had a certain destination in mind. I was headed toward a friend’s boathouse on the bay in a small seafarers’ community just south of town. I’d been given some very explicit, detailed directions to follow, and I was sticking pretty close to them, even though I had already passed a dozen tempting side roads. The exhilarating thought of getting out on a boat and sailing into unknown waters (unknown to me, anyway) kept me focused on my mission.

Unfortunately, somewhere along the way, I became confused by my friend’s directions. I began to feel disoriented. It almost felt like I was driving in circles, perhaps even heading back toward town. The longer I followed the directions, the more certain I became that the directions were leading me the wrong way, so I eventually gave them up. Yes, perhaps, I was a little too easily convinced to give up following the directions, but I knew if I just kept meandering in a southerly direction, I’d eventually hit water.

At any rate, the timing couldn’t have been more perfect. As soon as I broke free of the shackles of my friend’s poorly written directions, I came to a dirt road on my left with a sign posted at the entrance that read “NO TRESPASSING” in large, hand-painted letters. So, naturally, I turned onto that road….

Hello folks,

I finally started thinking about starting my taxes but decided to write this chain story intro instead.  I’d really love to know how you think this story is going to turn out!

Barry’s Plan

“Honey, are you sure this is going to work?”

Hope studied her husband Barry as he gazed blissfully out the window of his study at the blue, cloudless sky. She then looked back at the pile of late bill notices, foreclosure warnings, and other dismal financial statements that covered the nearby desk. She sighed loudly.

“Trust me, sweetheart,” Barry responded, blithely. “I know what I’m doing.”

Hope continued staring at her husband, who seemed hypnotized by something outside the window that she could not see. She seriously began to wonder if it might be time to search the phone book for a good psychotherapist. After some time, Barry finally broke his gaze and glanced around the room.

“Where’s our children? I want to call a family meeting and announce my plan for getting us out of this mess.”

“Faith is upstairs watching American Idol episodes that she Tivo-ed,” Hope replied. “I believe Destiny is on her computer, supposedly doing homework but probably tooling around on her Facebook page instead.”

“Let’s call them.”

“But, Honey, I really don’t think–”

“Sweetheart,” Barry smiled confidently at his wife as he gently laid a hand on her shoulder. “Call them.”

Hope sighed again but went off to get the children. In a few moments, she was back, and they were all gathered together in the small study. The two girls, one sixteen and the other ten, looked up at their father expectantly.

“Kids,” Barry began. “As you well know, we’re having a little financial trouble. We’re way behind on several bills, including our house payments. The fact is things just don’t look good right now. But, I have a plan.”

Barry paused for a moment for dramatic effect.

“From this day on,” Barry announced, importantly. “We’re going to spend as much money as we possibly can.

The kids continued listening, becoming more intrigued by the moment. Hope struggled to keep from rolling her eyes.

“Faith, I’m going to see what I can do about getting you your own credit card, one with a $100,000 credit limit, so that you can buy whatever you need. Destiny, as of right now, your allowance will be increased from $10 to $100 per week.”

The girls’ mouths dropped open but then formed into silly grins as they looked at each other. Hope started to say something, but Barry waved her off.

“I haven’t forgotten about you, sweetheart,” Barry said. “I’m going to buy you everything that you ever wanted, everything that you deserve–fur coats, jewelry, expensive perfume—the best money can buy—“

“But—“

“I’ve got it all thought out. I know we already have a second mortgage on the house, but there are plenty of charitable people out there willing to help a family like us. When that dries up, I’m sure Mr. Chang next door will be willing to give us a loan, if we put up our home as collateral.”

“Hmmm,” Hope said, uncertainly.

“Now don’t worry your pretty little head about it anymore, sweetheart. I want you to go out to the stores right now and start picking out new furniture and housewares to replace all this old ratty stuff we have now. Also, you may want to start looking for a new car and a new TV and–“

“Honey,” Hope interrupted. “With all this expensive stuff that we’ll be buying and accumulating, don’t you think we ought to invest in a security system for the house?”

Barry thought for a moment, then turned to his wife with a smile and confident wink.

“Nah,” he said. “I don’t think we need to worry about security. That won’t be a problem. Just trust me.”